So, we are officially deep into the dreaded 2 week wait (ww) to see the results of the IUI I had last Thursday, October 16. I have been following several blogs of women going through this same process. I cannot take credit for the entry below, but I have to say, this is EXACTLY the way I feel! Kevin keeps telling me "better times are ahead" - I can't give up hope and have to keep the faith, but it is SO hard!!
This 2ww is absolutely driving me insane, crazy, batty, nutty! I mean SERIOUSLY! I am physically and mentally incapable of thinking about anything else other than the outcome of this cycle. I wish I could will my mind to think about something, anything, but I simply cannot. Let me give you a little peek into the madness that is my mind right now:
"Am I?"
"Probably not"
"...But maybe"
"What if..."
"Don't get your hopes up"
"...But maybe"
"15% chance w/IUI... that isn't so great"
"What if I have twins"
"Don't be silly"
"Stop, JUST STOP"
It is horrible, this perpetual state of "maybe", this limbo that goes on during these two short weeks it absolutely agonizing. I read the TTC boards and see girls who announce that they're pregnant after their first IUI and I think, "Yes, SEE self? It CAN happen?" Then I see the ones that tried 2...3...4...5...6 times unsuccessfully and had to move on to IVF and the negative thoughts come back. So right now all my energy in this 2ww is directed towards thinking and praying that I get a positive outcome. Ha, ha...get it? POSITIVE outcome? See? I have stooped to new levels of craziness, as that isn't even funny. Today I feel like I just cannot be in limbo for another week, for another couple of days even. These two weeks feel like another 2 years of this journey and I'm tired.
Right now I am truly defined by "A Baby? Maybe..."
The great news is that the girl that wrote this post found out a few days later that she was PREGNANT and is having a healthy baby girl in April. So, I leave you on that positive note! And, please send all the positive thoughts and prayers you have our way!! We could definitely use them!
